The Peculiarities of Canadians

At this point in the Great Canadian Adventure, we have covered quite a bit of ground. So far we've motored from Arizona to New England, and from New England to New Brunswick, and from New Brunswick to Nova Scotia.  We ferried to and from Newfoundland and lolled around the Gaspe peninsula.  I managed not to be seasick on a single ferry or boat (there have been five, so far), and Drake assisted a deer in committing suicide.

We struggled across Quebec doing charades.  Doing the chicken dance will always get you something you recognize to eat.  As we progressed across French Canada, I got bolder and began subjecting the poor French Canadiens to my badly pronounced French.  I discovered I can READ French signs, but no one could understand me when I spoke the actual words.  I might as well have been speaking Spanish.  Funnily enough, my limited Spanish would creep in when I would try to speak French -  "Bluet, por favor."  No wonder they got these puzzled looks on their faces when I opened my mouth. It took five people with lots of consultation to help us order a fast food meal one afternoon.

Now we've found the bulk of the Canadian population in Ontario.  Did you know there are only 35 million Canadians?  That's fewer than the State of California.  Twenty percent of them live on the north shore crescent of Lake Ontario in high rises.  Having covered this much Canadian ground, we've noticed a few things:

1)  All Canadians agree the hardest people to understand when they talk are Newfoundlanders.  I absolutely agree.  Standing in a Newfoundland bathroom washing my hands, I was easedropping on two ladies standing next to me.  I might as well have saved my ears - didn't understand a single word they said, and yes, they were speaking English, at least the Newfoundland version.

2)  The fastest talkers are the people in Toronto - they speak very close to the speed of light.  I find myself repeating what I THINK I've heard.  

3)  All Canadians, whether French or not, like 'poutine'.  These are saltless French fries, covered in salty brown gravy and sprinkled with cheese curds.  NOT yummy looking, and completely devoid of any nutritional value.  No one understands why we don't want to eat them.

4)  French Canadiens are ice phobic.  I was in a restaurant in Levis', major town in Quebec, and I ordered a ginger ale, the 7-up/Sprite substitute of Canada.  The waiter brought the can and a straw.  When I asked for a glass of ice, he explained the restaurant had no ice.  No ice?  In a sit down restaurant?    Then a couple of days later, I was in a motel and went looking for the ice machine.  What I found was the manager who, instead of directly me to the ice machine, handed me what looked like a 6" x 12" piece of bubble wrap - at least they were large bubbles - and this was the ice offered.  Bubble wrap ice.  I mean these places have electricity and everything; they just don't have ice.

5)  My arithmetic skills are absolutely first rate at this point - figuring what the temperature is, how many miles we have to drive, what the gallon price of the gas is, and translating the speed limits.  We've discovered the exchange rate between American Dollars and Canadian Dollars is negated by the Canadian taxes - they run about 20% (or more) on EVERYTHING.

6)  I don't even laugh anymore when offered loonies and toonies ($1 and $2 coins).

7)  The Dollar Store is the Dollarama, and those green and yellow signs are everywhere.

8)  In French Canada you use the Toillete.  In English Canada you use the Washroom.  In the USA, you just go to the bathroom.

9)  It has been a relief to discover Americans do not have tackiness cornered.  If you moved 1000 feet from Niagara Falls, it was a carnival.  All it lacked was the girlie show. Crammed together was:  the wax museum, the mini golf course, amusement rides, the souvenir shops, ice cream stores, fast food joints, and Ripley's Believe it or Not, just to name SOME of the attractions on one block.

10)  I knew Canadians had notorious sweet tooths.  They eat about twice as much ice cream (per person) as Americans.  And, they're not picky - they eat bad ice cream. Just as long as it's sweet; that's all that's required.  What I didn't expect is everything else being loaded with sugar.  We are certain there's a 'Canadian' formula for Heinz ketchup and adult cereals - they are sweeter than all get out.  Everyone offers 'the best plum sauce' as a condiment - think gelatinous sugar syrup.  Most Canadians drink 3 sugars and 2 creams in their coffee.

11) Most real Canadians get their sugar fix at 'Tim's' AKA Tim Horton's.  This chain is not like Dunkin' Donuts and it's not McDonald's, but it's everywhere. There are breakfast food sandwiches, a pastry case, with lots of yummy treats as well as 'Tim Bits' (donut holes in about 10 varieties).  There are hot sandwiches. The coffee is outstanding.  These places are like the local diners of each neighborhood, and every age group eats here - regularly.  I must confess:  We are addicted when on the road. "Yes, yes, there's a Tim's just ahead!"  I'll be coming back to the States with a caffeine jones.

12) Credit card slots at the gas stations are backwards.

13)  Every business has a portable credit card chip reader.  Credit cards in Canada have a pin number associated with them, so the waitress, sales clerk, convenience store clerk, etc. whips out a handheld device when you make a purchase, then you insert your credit card into the machine, punch in your pin number, and Voila!  done.  Well, except for us....we have to 'sign', but your credit card never leaves your hand.

14)  Grocery store rewards cards are only good for 'air miles'.  Really.  You get so many miles per grocery purchase.

Hardly surprising air miles would be so popular - we'll be traveling 5867 kilometers between St John's, Newfoundland and Banff, Alberta.  Let's see....that's the same as crossing Texas from Orange to El Paso 4.5 times.  Piece of cake, ey?